Princess of the King

New blog?

2005-08-28T22:58:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I had a great day with Becky yesterday. And, yes, Emily, I actually did buy something - although it was mostly gifts! It was fun to just relax and talk, oh and eat fudge! Yummy!

Today was a strange day. It is so weird to be at Oak Pointe, knowing it is my last time there as a regular. Everything was normal, yet in the back of my mind, I'm reminded that it's the last time for me. The small groups pastor, Greg Moore, gave the message today. It was one of those "kick in the pants" types of messages that every church needs every month or so. Way to go Greg! The air conditioning wasn't working and it was soooo hot. I felt really bad for Greg being up in the lights. If you go to Oak Pointe and I didn't see you today to get to say good-bye - sorry and I missed seeing you (i.e. Loren, Jeff K., Emma, etc.!). We spent the afternoon getting our stuff out of the Adelsman's basement (thanks once again Tom & Connie!) and painting our walls. The movers are supposed to come tomorrow between 1-3 pm to load up everything. Then we'll ride off into the sunset!

I am starting a new blog. It just doesn't seem quite right to have my blog named after 707 anymore. I just started it today and still have tons of work to do on it, but you can check it out at www.jonathanherron.typepad.com/amberherron . Eventually, I am going to probably buy the domain name so it will just be amberherron.com. Anyways...I gotta go medicate myself from my sorrows and eat some fudge!

My Friend, Becky

2005-08-26T21:23:00.000-04:00

I have been looking forward to tomorrow all week long! I get to spend the day with my friend, Becky. This may sound funny, but as a person whose love language is quality time, it means a ton! God has blessed me with numerous, life-long friendships. Each place I move, however, it is necessary to find at least one quality friend. I always bring this matter before my heavenly Father. I prayed for a friend in Ohio and He brought me Emily. I began praying for a friend even before moving to Michigan. I remember times when the pastors' wives here would get together and we would talk about and pray for God to bring me a friend. That friend was Becky. She has stuck by my side through thick and thin. She cries with me and laughs with me. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago when we were offered a position in South Carolina and I told her on the phone, she cried tears of joy! She prays with and for me. She holds me accountable. She has often been the prophetic voice of God in my life the last year and a half. She has opened herself up to me and allowed me to speak into her life as well. It's hard to believe that I'll no longer be able to meet up with her for coffee on a whim, but the ties run stronger than good coffee. I know I have made a life-long friend with her. I also know that God will provide for both of us in new friendships - I've seen Him do this before too. So tomorrow is our last hurrah as we spend a couple hours in the car and drive to Frankenmuth to see the Christmas Wonderland or whatever it is! I know she will still be just a phone call away, no matter where I go. (ok, so I've started bawling as I wrote this!)

We got our house!

2005-08-24T18:57:00.000-04:00

We heard back yesterday that the offer we put on the house was accepted! We have a closing date set for September 7! Still keeping busy around here. I took the cats to the vet today and got tranquilizers for the long drive next week. I had some help with packing up part of the kitchen today - yippee! I will probably finish most of it tonight. Then, I just have some bath items, clothes, and cleaning supplies and I'm ready to go! We have to put primer on some of the walls too. I decided that I am taking Saturday off - Becky and I are going to drive up to Frankenmuth to see the cool stores there and also go to the outlet there. I hear they have a Pottery Barn Outlet! Jon gets back on Sunday afternoon. We will be picking up some stuff we've stored in another pastor's basement, finish the primer and be ready to go for Monday! All in all, things are going fairly well.

Boxes, Bubble Wrap and Blogging

2005-08-23T10:22:00.000-04:00

The last couple of days have been just a little bit stressful. I am attempting to pack up all our stuff in about a week's time. I am so overwhelmed as I look around. I know there are tons of things to do, but I just can't keep my head straight to know where to start! It seems like no matter how many boxes are packed, I haven't even put a dent in the job. Add to this, the need to get the cats in to the vet, the cars fixed before our drive, Jon's leaving tomorrow to speak at a camp, etc. Yesterday, Jon's car got inspected and needed $800 worth of repairs!!! How can a car only 4 years old with 44k miles on it need that kind of work done? Today my car goes in, pray that it is cheap! We still haven't heard back on our offer on the house - which I'm really not that concerned about. I am concerned about the fact that we have no place to live prior to the closing on the house! All of this weight seemed to be bearing down on me yesterday. Today, I decided, more than ever, I need to start my day with the Lord and His strength I flipped into one of my favorite devotional books, "Streams in the Desert," and found this verse: "By faith Abraham...obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." Heb. 11:8
It was followed by this excerpt.
"Too many of us want to see our way through a new endeavor before we will even start. Imagine if we could see our way from beginning to end. How would we ever develop our Christian gifts? Faith, hope, and love cannot be picked from trees, like ripe apples. Remember, after the words, 'In the beginning' (Gen 1:1) comes the word 'God.' It is our first step of faith that turns the key in the lock of His powerhouse. It is true that God helps those who help themselves, but He also helps those who are helpless. So no matter your cirumstance, you can depend on Him every time. Waiting on God brings us to the end of our journey much faster than our feet. Many an opportunity is lost while we deliberate after He has said, 'Move!'"

It's true, I don't know how in the world I'm going to get everything packed, I don't know where I'm going to live at first, I don't know if or what kind of job I may get, but it doesn't matter. God continues to teach me to walk by faith. I think this could be my theme for 2005!

Greenville Airport

2005-08-21T23:09:00.000-04:00

The airport in Greenville, SC is one of those that is smaller with the little planes. It's nice because you don't have to beat the crowd. We still got there a little early today and sat at a table to eat lunch before boarding our plane. I realized that there was an area outside with a fountain and flowers. We had some fun and took some pictures of it.

This is me in front of a HUGE flower pot! Now, that's what I call planting flowers. I hope to have lots of beautiful flowers in my yard eventually.

This picture is of me impersonating the weird statue in the water.

This is me and Jon on a bench by the little pond and fountains.

House Hunting

2005-08-21T22:41:00.000-04:00

Well, we got back this afternoon from South Carolina. We were there house hunting. After much deliberation, we decided to pu in an offer on a home. We will find out tomorrow the details. It should be accepted because it is new construction, so the price is pretty much set. We are checking into some upgrades - I want a different veneer on the sink in the master bath and I would love to switch out vinyl for pergo in the kitchen / dining area. It is 3 bedroom and 2 bath with a bonus room off the living room. There aren't really basements in SC, so it has some attic space for storage and is a little over 1600 square feet. The floor plan has split bedrooms (master separated from the other 2). I especially like the garden tub in the master bath - I love taking baths. Enjoy some of these pics we took while walking through.

This is a picture of part of the kitchen. I plan on getting stools to pull up to the bar so you can eat there or at the table.

This picture is taken from the doorway of the master bedroom looking through the back half of the living room and into the hall where the 2nd bathroom is.

This picture is of the sink in the master bath (which I'm changing). Jon is standing in the walk in closet taking the picture. To his right is the tub, shower and toilet and to his left is the master bedroom.

This picture is of the bonus room. It is off the back of the living room with double doors to close it off and glass doors out to the backyard.

Moving is so much fun!

2005-08-18T21:36:00.000-04:00

I've been feeling a little guilty lately about how much we've left the cats this summer. Add to that, knowing how stressed they are going to be about moving (cats don't move well). Yesterday, they got a rare treat. I was making some tuna fish for lunch and decided to give them some. This was very exciting for them! Today, Jon and I decided to buy them a new bed. I'm hoping they will sleep in it in the car while we drive to SC. Snickers immediately knew it was for him. He was purring really loud and has been laying in it all night. Here's a picture of him lounging in it. Poor Schweeny hasn't even gotten a chance to try it out.

I've been keeping really busy the last couple of days. We started packing and got most of our books (which is a lot) done. I've also gotten some of the pictures off the walls and wrapped. I got quotes for moving from half a dozen moving companies, got preapproved for a mortgage and emailed several house listings back and forth with the realtor. I also scheduled for our utilities to be shut off and confirmed our move out date with the leasing office. Whew! Does that make you as tired as it makes me?

Tomorrow, we fly out, again, and go house hunting. We are having lunch with our super cool new pastor, Perry (on his day off, I might add). Then we meet with the realtor to check out some homes tomorrow night and all day Saturday. Sunday, we will go to church at our new place, New Spring and then head back to Michigan. Hopefully, I'll have an update with a picture of the house we hope to buy!

I am just so amazed and thankful to God for all He is accomplishing in our lives! Before long, I'll be telling you all about the adoption we plan to go through. Can't wait to post pictures of my coming baby!

Thanks to everyone who has emailed, commented, or called to encourage us! Your prayers have sustained us through this time. Thank you so much for remembering us before our Lord! We love you all!

We're Moving to South Carolina!!!

2005-08-17T20:30:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I'm sure most of you have either read Jon's blog or talked to me. We were offered a position at an awesome church in Anderson, South Carolina! We are soooooooo excited and thankful to God for His provision. I now have to shift gears to check lists. We have to find a house, buy a house, pack our things, find a moving company, and on and on and on! Just thinking about it makes me tired. Well, I gotta go get some packing done!

Photos: Me sitting in a rocking chair in the airport at Charlotte, NC.

Schweeny helps with the packing!

Snickers stakes his claim on a U-Haul box.

7th Anniversary!

2005-08-15T11:50:00.000-04:00

Today is our 7th Wedding Anniversary! We are currently in South Carolina interviewing with a church. Jon wanted to make sure he did something special. Before we left this weekend, he worked extra hard to put together a DVD for me! He transferred our wedding video and reception from VHS to DVD so it will last forever. He also took the time to scan in a ton of pictures from the history of our relationship (dating to present) and put together a love story video with music for me! Isn't he so romantic?

We are going to hang out this afternoon and evening and explore the area a little. I have loved being married these 7 years. I've learned and grown so much. I look forward to a lifetime with Jonathan as we continue down this journey God has us on!

Trust

2005-08-12T21:04:00.000-04:00

I listened to a message by Jill Briscoe online today, entitled "Trust." It was really good. She based it on Jesus walking on the water. I jotted down a few things as I listened that I thought I'd share with you.

First, Jill was talking a little bit about the name which God refers to himself by - I AM. She gave an interesting meaning to the phrase, "I AM that I AM." Said in another way it is, "I will be all you need me to be when you need me to be all that you need." I just thought that was a really cool way to look at that phrase! God will be all we need when what we need Him to be our everything - how encouraging!

Jill also gave an acrostic for the word, trust. It is a guide she recommends when we are in the storms of life, fighting to trust in God.
Thinking not feeling when the storm comes. Don't base your faith on your feelings.
Realize worry is sin.
Unpack your bag. Give your burdens to the Lord out of a heavy heart. We must exercise discipline not to put our burdens back in the bag.
Scripture memory - this will flood your mind during the storm, rather than feelings.
Thank Him fo rwho He is and what He will do in the situation.

Another thought I found interesting is that when Jesus stepped in the boat with the disciples during that storm, the boat immediately arrived at the planned destination. Without Jesus, the boat was going nowhere. What a parallel for us in the storms of life! I don't know about you, but I want to have Jesus in my boat!

Hope

2005-08-12T10:55:00.000-04:00

"We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. For God is not unfair. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other Christians, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep right on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God's promises because of their faith and patience." Hebrews 6:9-12

Yesterday, we got an unexpected delivery in the mail! I have always loved getting the mail, because although usually it is bills and junk, you never know when you are going to get something good! The students and volunteers of 707 were encouraged to participate in giving us a financial gift towards our future adoption. This was their "good-bye" present to us. It was amazing and very encouraging. We still are stumbling upon some encouragement notes! Naturally, that's what I thought was in the mail when I saw the return address label being one of our volunteers. Certainly there was a note of encouragement from his family. Instead of a financial gift, however, there was a catalog. Inside it is all kinds of things one might want/need for caring for a baby! I don't where you get these things, but basically, we choose what item we want, order it and it's ours. The note attached said something like, "here are some things that we know you're going to need soon." It is moments like these that instill hope in me. Right now, I feel like we are further away from being able to start the adoption process than ever! Sometimes, I feel like I'll never experience motherhood. Then, along comes something like this and my hope builds again.

I found the above verse when thinking about hope this morning. I find it very encouraging. We are leaving our current ministry to follow God's leading. Sometimes you wonder if it is the best thing, but this verse says, "we are confident you are meant for better things." It continues to say how the Lord sees and remembers how your love for Him caused you to care for other Christians. We are admonished to continue doing this so we can receive the promises we hope for. I'm not saying this is a magic formula to get whatever you want. The promises being referred to are those things which conform us to the image of Christ. I am reminded as I read this, that because of my desire to be conformed to Christ, He has blessed me with being a spiritual mother to many. I don't know if/how/when I'll be a mother to a child, but I have experienced motherhood. Each time I've allowed the love of Christ to flow through me to a teenage girl, I've practiced motherhood. As much as I hope and desire to be a mom, I would rather be a spiritual mother to hundreds of teens than to never be a mother at all. I want to continue to be one who "inherits God's promises because of my faith and patience."

Lord Willing...

2005-08-11T23:26:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and somewhere in talking about their plans, they throw in the phrase, "Lord willing?" I know I have. Sometimes I've been the one to say that. Now, I am not saying that it is wrong to say, "Lord willing." I just wonder how many times we flippantly throw that phrase in so God sees we are being obedient. It's one thing to use the phrase as a reminder of God's sovereignty and our humility, but another to use it to try and earn bonus points with God or something.

I have been thoroughly studying the book of James since January. Tonight, I studied the paragraph, Chap 4:13-17. James is addressing the arrogant attitude of the human race that we are self-sufficient. He then encourages believers to seek the Lord's will and then procede with plans. One thing that's interesting is that James says, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." It does not matter what our well layed out plans are. God must will for us to live first! We are not only not self-sufficient for our plans, but we are dependent upon God for even our very next breath! How many days do you wake up thanking the Lord that it was His will for you to live today?

The best part of this little section, in my opinion, is the last verse. "Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." Have you ever read this and thought it seemed out of place? I know I used to. Once you ponder and pray, however, it really makes sense. James has just encouraged the believers on the importance of seeking out the Lord's will. Now, he continues in a major theme of his entire letter and admonishes the believers to not just know the will of God, but to do it! We simply cannot stop at seeking out God's will for our lives - we must take the next step in faith and do it! The alternative is to continue on with our plans and hence sin. The Bible is filled with stories about people who chose this alternative (Abraham, Jonah, etc). It becomes clear when reading these encounters that the best choice is to be in the middle of God's will!

This may sound like an easy thing to do, but in the moment, it is quite challenging. Are you willing to sacrifice something that seems really good in your life in hopes that being in the will of God will be ultimately more satisfying? What about when the will of God is to be still and wait? This is my life right now. I thought I had my future all figured out. It seemed God-honoring and the best plan. He had something else in mind. Right now, being in the will of God for me, means being still before Him and waiting on His provision. I certainly have my moments of struggle and doubt, but there's no other place I'd rather be.

Amber goes international!

2005-08-09T23:28:00.000-04:00

I just want to say a big "Welcome Back!" to all my international friends out there! I've really missed seeing you for a couple of weeks now. I was so excited to see my pals from Peru, United Kingdom, Singapore, Denmark, Canada, Brazil, Dominica and Mexico. I am wondering where my Malaysian friends have disappeared to though.

You may be wondering what the heck I'm talking about. Well, this picture shows stats that are traced in reference to my blog. One page tells me what countries and cities people are from who read my blog. Check it out for yourself, it's pretty cool. Go to www.statcounter.com to hook yourself up!

For now I must say, adios, good-bye, aurevoir and leave a comment to tell me how else you say good-bye!

"Skirrels"

2005-08-09T19:28:00.000-04:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always loved squirrels. I think they are the neatest little animals. I always wished I could have one as a pet! The closest I got to that was a little stuffed squirrel - I still have it. I used to call them "skirrels". Anyways...Jon and I take walks together nearly every night. We always love seeing all the dogs, squirrels and other animals along the way. One squirrel, in particular, we see again and again. He is very unique as he hardly has a tail. We've affectionately named him "notail".

Jon decided that we should take our camera with us on our nightly walks this week. We haven't seen much until tonight! Notail finally made his modeling debut! Enjoy these pics of my new squirrel friend, notail.

Another Great Poem...

2005-08-09T13:13:00.000-04:00

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you...As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs." (Psalm 84:5-6)

I have been through the valley of weeping,
The valley of sorrow and pain;
But the "God of all comfort" was with me,
At hand to uphold and sustain.

As the earth needs the clouds and sunshine,
Our souls need both sorrow and joy;
So He places us oft in the furnace,
The dross from the gold to destroy.

When he leads through some valley of trouble,
His omnipotent hand we trace;
For the trials and sorrows He sends us,
Are part of His lessons in grace.

Oft we run from the purging and pruning,
Forgetting the Gardener knows
That the deeper the cutting and trimming,
The richer the cluster grows.

Well He knows that affliction is needed;
He has a wise purpose in view,
And in the dark valley He whispers,
"Soon you'll understand what I do."

As we travel through life's shadowed valley,
Fresh springs of His love ever rise;
And we learn that our sorrows and losses,
Are blessings just sent in disguise.

So we'll follow wherever He leads us,
Let the path be dreary or bright;
For we've proved that our God can give comfort;
Our God can give songs in the night.

Author Unknown

Spirit Empowered Living

2005-08-09T11:10:00.000-04:00

Fill all my empty spaces,
Heal all the hurts I've borne.
Give me the power to change my life;
I need to be reborn.
So take my life, Lord Jesus;
Know all my days I'll spend
Investing in Your kingdom work,
Till life itself shall end.
Send all the power I ask for;
Give all the grace and peace,
All Your present presence,
The Spirit's sweet release.
Give all Your grand dynamic,
You want me to impart,
All this sweet enabling,
Please pour into my heart.
-Jill Briscoe

In the words of students...

2005-08-05T12:30:00.000-04:00

At long last, here are some excerpts from letters students wrote to us. We leave in a few hours to interview at a church in Florida. Pray for us!

This is from one of our staff members:
Jon and Amber,
I wanted you both to know how much I've enjoyed hanging out with you as our 707 leaders this past school year. When I started as a staff member, you both made me feel so welcomed and really encouraged me through some tougher times - and being this was my first experience working with youth it was greatly appreciated! Thank you both so much for all the time, effort, and love that you've poured into 707. It has made such a difference in many of our lives.

Jon & Amber
Well your going to be leaving soon to start a new life for a lucky child and I just wanted to say how thankful I am that you two came into my life...I love you guys very much and again I want to thank you for being like a second set of parents for me this year. I know God is going to do amazing things with you and I am so happy about that.

Dear Amber
You and Jon were the first models I had of a Godly marriage, and you were the first "P-31 Girl" that I was able to witness. You were always there when I showed up on time for worship practice, which was always way too early to be there since everybody else would be running on Shirock or Talbot time. I enjoyed our conversations just to check things out and I thank you for helping out all the girls at 707 who I call some of my closest friends. You are going to be a wonderful mother. (this was written by a boy!)

Amber
I share your desire of wanting to be a mom and have a family (not at this point, but in the future). I know God will bless you with a family, just as He did Sarah. Be patient and wait for God's perfect timing. I will never forget you. You helped me when I needed someone most. You paid attention to me when I felt invisible. Thanks to you, I was able to come out of my shell. I can never thank you enough.
"When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." Isaiah 43:2
(this girl's speaking my language and right to my heart!)

Amber
Thank you so much for bringing me to Becky and her small group. I really can't say how much you both mean to me. Amber thank you so much for guiding me to a small group and setting an example of a truly strong woman after God's heart. Your example means more than anything to me. Now that I have said how much you guys mean to me, it would be time to say good-bye. However, I don't think it is good-bye. Somewhere in my heart I know that wherever God may take us, I hope that we will be able to stay in touch...Hey, who knows, maybe you'll meet a girl named __________, who happens to be looking for a youth group!! (If you do, tell her I said Hi!)...Anything that is great and good that has entered my life always links back to 707 and you both! I thank God for bringing you both into my life!

So, there's a few highlights. There's ton more where this came from. I plan on putting them together in a book with pictures of the students next to it. For anyone out there who works with teens, I always recommend saving anything like this that you receive. I always save notes, emails, etc. from students. Then on the hard days, I get them out and read them to remind myself why I'm doing this! It's one of the best motivators out there. Well, I gotta go pack! I'll update when I get back from the BEACH!!!

Be Strong!

2005-08-04T11:29:00.000-04:00

I still promise to post more about our farewell last night. Just need to process some first.

There's no doubt about it that 2005 has been the hardest year of my life! It seems like every couple of months or so, something huge and disappointing happens. Each time, I tell God, "man, I was already at my limit, I can't take anymore!" I've had people tell me that we must be strong because the Lord doesn't put more on you than you can bear. My reply is, "I don't want to be strong!" With my latest disappointment, I've been thinking, "God, for once - just ONE time- can't something be handed to me? I'm so tired. I know You want me to grow, but can I have just a little break? Why do things have to be so hard right now?" Well, once again, I'm pointing back to "Streams in the Desert" for a response to this idea.

Be men of courage; be strong (1 Cor. 16:13)

Never pray for an easier life - pray to be a stronger person! Never pray for tasks equal to your power - pray for power equal to your tasks. Then doing the work will be no miracle - you will be the miracle. Phillips Brooks

We must remember that Christ will not lead us to greatness through an easy or self-indulgent life. And easy life does not lift us up but only takes us down. Heaven is always above us, and we must continually be looking toward it.

Some people always avoid things that are costly, or things that require self-denial, self-restraint, and self-sacrifice. Yet it is hard work and difficulties that ultimately lead us to greatness, for greatness is not found by walking the moss-covered path laid out for us through the meadow. It is found by being sent to carve out our own path wtih our own hands.

Are you willing to sacrifice to reach the glorious mountain peaks of God's purpose for you?

Be strong!
We are not here to play, to dream, to drift;
We have hard work to do, and loads to lift.
Shun not the struggle; face it.
It's God's gift.

Be strong!
Say not the days are evil - Who's to blame?
Or fold your hands, as in defeat - O shame!
Stand up, speak out, and bravely,
In God's name.

Be strong!
It matters not how deep entrenched the wrong,
How hard the battle goes, the day how long,
Faint not, fight on!
Tomorrow comes the song.
-Maltbie D. Babcock

Farewell

2005-08-04T00:25:00.000-04:00

Tonight at 707, they had a farewell party for Jon and I. Wow! What an encouragement. In ministry, you do a lot of stuff (most of which people don't know about) and you sometimes wonder if you are making a difference. Nights like tonight can be what we (persons in ministry) live for. I love to hear all that God is doing in the lives of students! What a blessing to hear what He's done through me for these students. It was deeply moving. Another total blessing is the students' participation in our future adoption. They collected money to give us towards it and we have nearly $900!!! I can't wait to one day share the picture of the child they participated in helping us find.

I plan on blogging more about specifics from students tomorrow, but for now, I want to leave you with a poem one of my small group girls wrote for me. I know! Can you believe a student wrote me a poem? How touching!

Picture: Connie as she reads me her poem.

To My Dearest Amber
Words cannot describe what I want to say,
now that she's going away.
But no need to worry,
because this loss is only temporary.
For there will come a day,
when I will see her again.
We will at last cry tears of joy,
for we have looked upon the face of the Savior.
We will no longer share pain and sorrow,
but rejoice in the One who brings a new tomorrow.
Again we'll share our awesome God stories,
because when I'm in heaven,
I will see dear Amber Herron.

God is Standing Just Outside the Door

2005-08-02T17:42:00.000-04:00

The first week of the month, the staff at Oak Pointe gather for lunch and prayer. It is one of the times the entire staff and committed volunteers are together and celebrate birthdays and anniversaries for the month. Today was the August "birthday lunch". The staff prayed for Jon and I as we search for a new position and this one comes to a close. Afterwards, I had the chance to talk with Lindsey (our outreach coordinator). She is an awesome woman of God and has been such an encouragement to me in Michigan! (btw guys she is single and beautiful - all interested, solid Christian guys in their 20's let me know) I was sharing with her some of my frustrations with life right now. She gave me this story/analogy which I thought was really cool and want to share with you.

Lindsey has a one year old nephew. She was babysitting him last night. He loves to be around people and thus HATES bedtime. She rocked and sung to him and got him calmed down. She put him in his crib with the lights out and left. About a minute later, the wailing began. He was alone in the dark crying. Lindsey was just on the other side of the door thinking, "This is good for you. You need rest for your next day. I'm right here."

This whole scenario got her to thinking, how much is this like God and us? We feel like we are alone in the dark and crying. Does God hear us? Does He care? Why won't he turn on the light and come in and comfort us? All the while, God is just on the other side of the door, anguished over our tears saying, "My child, this is good for you. You need this time to prepare you for what lies ahead. I'm right here."

I have chills as I write this and further ponder it. I may be in the dark right now in my life, but God is on the other side of the door teaching me to wait on Him and what He's preparing for me. He is right there.

You Can Trust the Man Who Died for You

2005-08-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, so you may be getting sick of all the "Streams in the Desert" quotes, but I can't help myself. I love this little book! Nearly every day that I read it, it directly applies to my life. Check out part of today's reading:

...I completely failed to see the better things God had for me, so my soul was running from Him. And then for the last time, with a swift force of convicting power to my inmost heart, came that searching message: "My child, you can trust the Man who died for you. If you cannot trust Him, then whom can you trust?" Finally that settled it for me, for in a flash of light I realized that the Man who loved me enough to die for me could be absolutely trusted with the total concerns of the life He had saved.

Dear friend, you can trust the Man who died for you. You can trust Him to thwart each plan that should be stopped and to complete each one that results in His greatest glory and your highest good. You can trust Him to lead you down the path that is the very best in this world for you. J.H.M.

Are you as convicted as I am? I've never thought of not totally trusting Jesus as running away from Him. I don't know about you, but I want to be running towards my Savior, not from Him. This must be my personal theme for 2005. Way back in February, I read a great little book, "Faith is not a Feeling." I have had this challenge rise up again and again all year. In the moment of despair and sadness, will I abandon God because I don't "feel" Him near? Or will I trust that God is who He says He is in His Word and choose to thank Him in all circumstances with my will and trust that my feelings will follow? Sometimes the longest distance is from our head to our heart, you know? I know all the great and trustworthy things about God in my head, but that traveling to my heart is another story. No wonder the greatest commandment is, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength!"

Lord Jesus,
Today, help me to love You with all my mind and my heart! I want to trust the Man who died for me.
Amen.

2005-07-31T23:43:00.000-04:00

When you are unsure which course to take, totally submit your own judgment to that of the Spirit of God, asking Him to shut every door except the right one. But meanwhile keep moving ahead and consider the absence of a direct indication from God to be the evidence of His will that you are on His path. And as you continue down the long road, you will find that He has gone before you, locking doors you otherwise would have been inclined to enter. Yet you can be sure that somewhere beyond the locked doors is one He has left unlocked. And when you open it and walk through, you will find yourself face to face with a turn in the river of opportunity - one that is broader and deeper than anything you ever dared to imagine, even in your wildest dreams. So set sail on it, because it flows to the open sea.
God often guides us through our circumstances. One moment, our way may seem totally blocked, but then suddenly some seemingly trivial incident occurs, appearing as nothing to others but speaking volumes to the keen eye of faith. And sometimes these events are repeated in various ways in response to our prayers. They certainly are not haphazard results of chance but are God opening up the way we should walk, by directing our circumstances. And they begin to multiply as we advance toward our goal, just as the lights of a city seem to increase as we speed toward it while traveling at night.
-F. B. Meyer

When God Is Running Late...

2005-07-31T18:38:00.000-04:00

WARNING - this is a long post. Just some thoughts I've been wrestling with this weekend that I decided to put down on paper.

Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. There are many times we think God has dropped the ball. In our humanness, we think that if things would have fallen into place the way we thought it would (or should), everything would be great! God, however, failed us. He screwed up the timing! Where was He? He was 10 minutes too late – or was He?

I am learning a lot about this idea. It seems like God has been a little late on some things in my life lately. It is tempting to give up all faith and trust and try to take things in your own hands. You know, show God how it’s done. Well, this reminds me of some women in the Bible who were doing the very same thing…

Enter Martha and Mary. Remember these gals? Martha was upset with her sister, Mary for sitting at Jesus’ feet rather than helping around the house. They were very close with the Lord – and so was their brother, Lazarus.

John 11 records the unfortunate event of Lazarus falling ill and eventually dying. Mary and Martha have a splendid idea amidst this tragedy – send for Jesus. Surely He will heal their brother whom He loves so dearly! Quickly they prepare a message to be sent to Jesus. Their hope is being restored.

Jesus receives the message and responds by saying that Lazarus will not die from his illness. He then says that He (God) will receive glory from this! The next verse is especially interesting. “Although Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed away where He was for the next two days and did not go to them.” In the NIV, it says “therefore because Jesus loved…” How is it loving to not answer them amidst tragedy? It gets worse in verse 14 and 15. “Then He told them plainly, ‘Lazarus is dead. And for your sake, I am glad I wasn’t there because this will give you another opportunity to believe in me.’” What is He talking about? What kind of friend would be glad they didn’t heal their friend from a deadly illness? And what does He mean by giving His disciples (who already believe in Him) an opportunity to believe in Him?

The answers would come as they arrived in Bethany. Most of us know how the story ends. Jesus sees Martha and then Mary. He cries (debated if it is because He is sad for their mourning or sad for their disbelief). Jesus then calls Lazarus forth from the grave and restores his life.

So, how does this story apply to you and me? First of all, we learn that God does not operate on our timing. He has a plan set in motion and He will bring it forth when He is good and ready. When He does move, it will be for the sole purpose of bringing glory to His name. Sometimes when God seems late, it is because of His love, not His indifference – just like is mentioned in this story.

Secondly, this story applies to our faith life. One reason Jesus is glad He won’t heal Lazarus prior to death is because it will give the disciples another opportunity to believe. Jesus is not insinuating that His very own disciples don’t believe in Him. Rather, He is teaching them more about Himself. He is showing them that their belief can and should grow throughout their lifetime. He is also teaching them that amidst difficult circumstances, believers should not allow their feelings to so cloud their vision that they no longer believe. Faith is a continual process that grows in each situation we face. We have a choice – will we believe Jesus (even if He’s not on our time?) or will we doubt Him? This is a very important choice because if we choose to believe, then we develop perseverance, then character, then maturity in Christ! However, if we choose to doubt, this leads to temptation then to evil and then to death. We must ever be growing in our belief in Christ.

Lastly, we learn that God’s plan and timing is what is best. The timing of this situation ends up being quite near Jesus’ own arrest. This is one of the complaints the Pharisees will charge Him with. Yes, Jesus could’ve healed Lazarus and still brought glory to Himself. God’s best was to wait and bring greater glory by bringing Lazarus back from the dead. This would aid in the perfect timing of Christ’s crucifixion later on and foreshadow His resurrection.

The next time you are checking your watch, wondering “where is God? He’s late again,” remember God does not operate on our timing, God wants our faith in Him to grow through our situation and God’s timing and plan is what is best.

Trust and Obey

2005-07-30T11:38:00.000-04:00

We received a phone call last night, indicating that the church we've been pursuing has chosen not to extend us an offer. A little disappointing. God is really challenging us and calling us to a new level of faith! Read the following poem in "Streams in the Desert" one of my all time favorite devotional books.

If we could see beyond today
As God can see;
If all the clouds should roll away,
The shadows flee;
O'er present griefs we would not fret.
Each sorrow we would soon forget,
For many joys are waiting yet
For you and me.

If we could know beyond today
As God does know,
Why dearest treasures pass away
And tears must flow;
And why the darkness leads to light,
Why dreary paths will soon grow bright;
Some day life's wrongs will be made right,
Faith tells us so.

"If we could see, if we could know,"
We often say,
But God in love a veil does throw
Across our way;
We cannot see what lies before,
And so we cling to Him the more,
He leads us till this life is o'er;
Trust and obey.

Personal Evangelism

2005-07-27T00:09:00.000-04:00

I have really been challenged for the last year or so on how I am doing with evangelism. I ask myself, "have I lead anyone to the Lord in the last 12 months?" The answer is yes, but it seems like it is from the mission field - not my local one either. The next argument I resort to in my mind is, "I work in a church, I am around only Christians, besides I help teens reach their friends who I never could reach." This thinking is wrong, though! I have been trying to really keep my eyes open for evangelism opportunities. I really believe the Lord provides them. The more we are faithful, the more He provides.

A few months ago, I was pumping gas. I saw a guy going up to another person to ask them something. In my mind I though, "oh no, I hope he doesn't come over here." Well, he did. He seemed really desperate and was asking if I had just one or two dollars for him to buy gas with. My first response was, "I don't have any cash." (which was true). While my gas pumped in my car, I felt really convicted. I went up to the guy and said, I'll go in and pay with my debit card for you to have $5 of gas. He was incredibly thankful. I wanted to tell him why I would do this, but just as I started to go over, he was in his car and gone. I trust that God will somehow use that experience to draw that man to him. It's funny because I just finished studying chapter 2 of James yesterday. It talks about if we go up to someone who is hungry and has no clothes, it does no good to say "God Bless You!" We must show we are Christians by following up with action - in my case, buying a stranger some gas.

I always hear, speakers in particular, talk of these great evangelism encounters on airplane rides. It has never happened to me - until last week. Jon and I were headed home from Texas. We got to our row and the 3rd passenger was a little girl who was crying her eyes out. Instantly, I thought, "I've got to figure out a way to talk to her and tell her about Christ." I introduced myself and asked her name. That was all it took for her to start opening up to me. She was going home from a 6 week visit with her dad (parents are divorced). She was crying because the visit went too fast and she didn't get to say good-bye to her younger brother and sister since they were still sleeping. Her dad is in the airforce and is going to go to Iraq soon.

I kept going over and over in my mind of good transitions to the gospel. Finally, I came up with, "my mom and dad weren't together when I was your age. I know it is hard. You know what helped me? I remembered that God could be my Father when my dad wasn't there and I missed him. " She seemed a little intrigued by such an idea. She told me her grandma used to take her to church, but had since died. I went on to tell her how to have a relationship with Jesus. I didn't feel like I did the best job, though. I didn't want to scare her off, you know? We went on to talk about other things. At one point, she looked out the window at the clouds and asked me, "Where do you think heaven is? Is it above these clouds?" The Holy Spirit opened the door for me once more. I told her how the Bible tells us that the streets are gold in heaven! I asked her how she thinks people get to heaven. She had no idea. I then explained the gospel a second time. I asked her if she ever asked Jesus to have a relationship with her. She kind of changed the subject. Later, she told me of her friends next door. I could tell by her description that they are Jehova Witnesses. I explained that they don't believe the same things about Jesus I had just explained to her. She responded saying, "well, I guess they go to a different heaven. Or maybe the same one." I just shrugged my shoulders, indicating that I did not agree. The cool thing in all of this is that from that comment, I could tell she did take in at least some of what I had shared with her. The Holy Spirit is amazing. I was so tired and had planned on taking a nap that entire flight, but He had something else in mind!

It is never our job to produce results, but we must be obedient when opportunities arise. I just hope I can continue to keep my eyes open for the next person God places in my path. There is something wrong with a Christian if they are not doing evangelism - that's not healthy. The church continually struggles with this balance - feeding the flock vs. outreach. I think this balance might disappear if the individuals of the church take the feeding they receive and live it out. If we all were reaching people in our personal lives, then the church wouldn't need to hold special outreach events. People would come as new believers because their friend, neighbor, co-worker had witnessed to them. I don't write this having attained the goal - I am talking to myself as much or more as I am talking to you. Just some thoughts...

Someday

2005-07-25T16:53:00.000-04:00

I've had the new Nichole Nordeman cd "Brave" playing in my car for a couple of weeks now. There is always one song in particular that stands out to me. It is the song, "Someday." I believe it is based on the Scripture 1 Cor. 13:12, "Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." What a reassuring verse! We may not have the answers to all the "whys?" of this life, but someday we will see clearly. The cool part is that as I was looking up the lyrics online to post this, I discovered that the inspiration for Nichole writing this song was a couple friend of hers who suffered a miscarriage. As I belt the song out at the top of my lungs in my car, however, I believe it was written for me. Enjoy the lyrics!

Someday, by Nichole Nordeman
I believe in the rest of the story.
I believe there's still ink in the pen.
I have waisted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach for me until

Chorus:
Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For somday.

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers that can't help but wonder
And dream about the other side of
(Chorus)

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the hands that hold you for someday

Thank You, Friend

2005-07-24T18:46:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of me with my great friends - Emily (whose about 5 months pregnant in this picture) and Angie. This was taken in March of 2005 when we spent a couple of days together.

I got a lot of studying done today - I am now almost done with chapter 2 of James! Whew! I don't think I would've embarked on this journey if I'd known how much work it would be, but it's worth it. It is so amazing how the Holy Spirit illuminates scripture! I read the same stuff everyday (since Jan.) and yet I still get knew truths out of it!

I decided to haul out all my scrapbooking stuff to get going on that. I am so far behind! I decided that I needed to get caught up before doing Africa pics (from last year). I usually collect stuff for my scrapbook. I was going through stuff I saved and came across some pictures of me with my friends Emily and Allison. They came to visit me in Michigan after I moved. It was such a great weekend! I cried when I saw them - tears of joy of course. They both also wrote me cards and hid them for me to find when they left. I was working on some themes for these pages and decided to put some collectible frienship books to use. You know, the kind that have pictures and quotes.

I came across this poem and couldn't help but think of Emily. I alluded to these thoughts and feelings in an earlier post, but thought this was great too. Emily will probably be totally humble about it and minimize the impact she's had on my life, but every word I type is true! She's been a gift from God. Emily, this poem's for you!

Thank You, Friend
I never came to you, my friend,
And went away without
Some new enrichment of the heart:
More faith, and less doubt,
More courage for the days ahead,
And often in great need
Coming to you, I went away
Comforted, indeed.

How can I find the shining words,
The glowing phrase that tells
All that your love has meant to me,
All that your friendship spells?
There is no word, no phrase for you
On whom I so depend.
All I can say to you is this:
God bless you, precious friend.
-Grace Noll Crowell

The Great I AM!

2005-07-23T11:43:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like an African sunset!

I was reading "I am not but I know I AM" by Louie Giglio last night and thought this whole little section was pretty cool.

God knew it was imperative for Moses to know who He was - that He was I AM. I AM is the present tense, active form of the verb to be. As God's name, it declares that He is unchanging, constant, unending, always present, always God.

God was telling Moses:
I AM the center of everything.
I AM running the show.
I AM the same every day, forever.
I AM the owner of everything.
I AM the Lord.
I AM the Creator and Sustainer of life.
I AM the Savior.
I AM more than enough.
I AM inexhaustible and immeasurable.
I AM God.

In a heartbeat, Moses knew God's name - and something more. He finally knew his. For if God's name is I AM, Moses' name must be I am not.
I am not the center of everything.
I am not in control.
I am not the solution.
I am not all-powerful.
I am not calling the shots.
I am not the owner of anything.
I am not the Lord.

Update...

2005-07-22T19:14:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody! We made it back to Michigan safe and sound yesterday. We had a wonderful second visit out to Texas. I loved getting to know the students' hearts!

We have not received a formal offer as of yet. The team needs to assemble and share feedback before a final decision is made. We will hear some time next weekend. The outlook seems optimistic (isn't that phrase on the magic eight ball?). We would probably move by September 1st if things work out.

Jon leaves tomorrow morning with 18 students and staff for a week-long trip to Kentucky. It should be a great trip and wonderful growing experience for students (many of whom this is their 1st mission trip). I will stay home and probably scrapbook, work, and read. I hope to have lots of profound updates for you!

Thanks for your prayers for us! I'm off to ColdStone (my last ice cream for a while - I'm going to start a stricter diet this week while Jon's gone. Good-bye to those last 15 pounds!)

More sweet Zambia pics...

2005-07-20T17:12:00.000-04:00

This picture is one of the two bedrooms at The Restoration Mission Home - one of the orphanages we work with.

This is just a great picture of Jon and I before ministering at one of the local schools.

Jon and I teach some Zambian children how to give a high-five!

Some male impala battling each other on the Mukuba Hotel grounds.

Howdy from the Lone Star State!

2005-07-20T17:05:00.000-04:00

This is coming to you live from Plano, Texas! We are here for a second visit to interview for a position at Bent Tree Bible Fellowship. It has been a great time the last day or so. We have had some awesome opportunities to get to know the high school students here. I love hearing their hearts for God, missions, ministry, etc. We've had some fun times too - capture the glow stick on the golf-course was pretty sweet - or as the Zambia team would say, choice! I look forward to tonight - Jon is going to lead an improv set! We should have plenty of laughs from that. We head out tomorrow morning for Michigan. Jon turns around and leaves for Kentucky Saturday morning. I will be staying home - hopefully packing for Texas! We will see how God leads. Thanks for all your prayers for us. We appreciate every single one!
ps- I'll try and snap some pictures to post tonight!

Zambia Sunday

2005-07-17T22:55:00.000-04:00

Today was Zambia Sunday at Oak Pointe. The team videos were debuted and each team shared testimonies. It was an awesome time of sharing with the congregation what they were a part of in sending us. It is sort of bitter-sweet. I found myself crying by the end of the first service. All I could think about was how blessed I was that God allowed me to participate in this amazing trip! Praise God! Enjoy the following pics I got from Ray M. today!
(This pic is my team - Loren, Jessica R. and Ginny- praying before we head out to do some village witnessing)

This is a picture of me on our sweet bus!

This is a cool pic of me and some of the students singing some American songs for the Zambians. This was at an alcohol and drug rehab center in one of the poor villages. It was so amazing to see the joy the recovering addicts have found in the Lord. Especially moving to someone whose a professional counselor.

Ken & April's Wedding

2005-07-17T22:41:00.000-04:00

This is Ken & April, two of our 707 volunteer staff. They got married this weekend and Jon performed the ceremony. He did such a great job for his first time! This picture is just at the conclusion of their marathon kiss. It was great to be a part of their special day. They are so cute and I know they are going to have an incredible, God-honoring marriage.

This is me and my pal Becky. She's been a great friend to me here in Michigan. She's a true prayer warrior for me and a great accountability partner. I'm really going to miss her when I move.

This is me and Jon at the reception. It was so fun to eat a nice meal with our friends and then have some real fun on the dance floor. A bit shout out to all my "dancing queens!"

Save, Save, Save

2005-07-15T09:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Jon and I opened a savings account at our bank!!! We are blessed with some awesome friends who in response to our Zambia support letter sent us a check requesting that we use it towards our future adoption. We added to this and opened an account yesterday. This will be our adoption fund. It helps to feel like we are making ground. We might not be able to start the process just yet, but we can do this. Jon discovered an adoption blog last night. I read an article about financing adoption. The article talked about sacrificial saving. It's true. Every extra expense I now look at through the eyes of taking away from our adoption fund. I know many choose or suggest to others to take out a loan to fund adoption, but I just don't agree with that. I strongly believe that God will help us to find other creative ways to finance this, which won't result in further debt on our part. I am already excited about our plan which will have us completely debt-free (except if we buy a house or face some major circumstance) in five years or less. Why would I add to the pile? I look forward to seeing how God allows this account to grow before our eyes!

Amber's Let-Go List

2005-07-13T23:22:00.000-04:00

I finally finished the infertility book I posted about over a month ago. It was probably the most helpful of any that I read. It talks all about your heart and relationship with God in the journey. Anyways...I was reading a chapter on letting go of the dream and the author encourages you to make a list of all the things you have to let go of due to infertility that you had been looking forward to. She then says to pray over them and give it to God. I took some time this morning and wrote my list in my journal. The cool thing is as I was writing this list, I got excited about the next list I am going to write. It will be all the neat things that having a child through adoption allows you to experience. I will then pray over that list with praise! (more on that later) Here's my let-go list!

1. experiencing the excitement of a positive pregnancy test.
2. coming up with a creative way to tell Jon I'm pregnant.
3. hearing my baby's heart beat for the first time.
4. feeling my baby kick inside me
5. buying maternity clothes
6. surprising family & friends with the announcement, "I'm pregnant!"
7. waiting in expectation to see if our baby has my eyes, Jon's creativity, what color will it's skin be?(my husband has asian indian heritage)
8. experiencing my first ultra sound
9. having baby showers (still possible with an adoption)
10. registering for neat new baby things (still possible with an adoption)
11. looking in the mirror at the profile of my pregnant belly
12. nursing my baby
13. trying to figure out if the baby is a boy or a girl by its position in the womb, etc.
14. enduring the pain of labor for the joy of the moment I hold my baby for the first time.
15. experiencing all the false alarms of thinking I'm going into labor
16. Having matching hospital bracelets for my scrapbook
17. the excitement of people visiting us at the hospital or later at home - and bringing meals!
18. being a part of the club of women who have been through labor and share about it.

That's the start of my list. I plan to add to it as I realize unmet expectations. It actually felt really good to get it out. There is a little sigh that comes with each one, but I am trading it in for something better! God has an amazing plan at work for me and I wouldn't trade it for anything else! Stay tooned for my future praise list about adoption.

Perpetua - A Sacred Legacy

2005-07-12T22:18:00.000-04:00

I was going to post this last night, but due to technical difficulties with posting pics in my last entry, I was too flustered. It took over an hour to get that post to work properly! Agh!

I started reading a new book yesterday entitled, "Sacred Legacy - Ancient Writings from Nine Women of Strength and Honor." It talks about nine different women and then highlights some of their writing.

Last night, I read the first chapter. It talks about Perpetua of Carthage, North Africa and dates 181-203! This woman certainly was a hero of the faith. She was thrown in prison for refusing to make an offering in honor of Caesar. She had an infant son at the time and was only probably about 21. I can't imagine (especially after seeing new mom Emily) willingly giving up my life with a new infant on my mind. She not only does that, but rejoices when her infant son no longer needs to nurse! Add to this, her slave friend, Felicitas. She was eight months pregnant upon her imprisonment. It was illegal to execute a pregnant woman and so she was going to have to be executed with criminals (after her deliver) rather than along with the rest of her believing friends. They all began to pray for an early delivery. God answered those prayers and she gave birth to a baby girl who she gave to her sister to raise! It's so hard to believe this is for real! It sounds like a movie, but these women really existed. Below are some excerpts of Perpetua's writings. Enjoy!

While I was still with the police authorities, my father out of love for me tried to dissuade me from my resolution. "Father," I said, "do you see here, for example this vase, or pitcher, or whatever it is?" "I see it," he said. "Can it be named anything else than what it really is?" I asked and he said, "No." "So I cannot be called anything else than what I am, a Christian."

Then I was granted the privilege of having my son remain with me in prison. Being releaved of my anxiety and concern for the infant, I immediately regained my strength. Suddenly the prison became my palace, and I loved being there rather than any other place...

Then the sentence was passed; all of us were condemned to the beasts. We were overjoyed as we went back to the prison cell. Since I was still nursing my child who was ordinarily in the cell with me, I quickly sent the deacon Pomponius to my father's house to ask for the baby, but my father refused to give him up. Then God saw to it that my child no longer needed my nursing, nor were my breasts inflamed. After that I was no longer tortured by anxiety about my child or by pain in my breasts...

The following talks of the group praying for Felicitas to deliver her baby early...

And so, two days before the contest, united in grief they prayed to the Lord. Immediately after the prayers her labor pains began. Because of the additional pain natural for an eight-month delivery, she suffered greatly during birth, and one of the prison guards taunted her; "If you're complaining now, what will you do when you'll be thrown to the wild beasts?" She answered, "Now it is I who suffer, but then another shall be in me to bear the pain for me, since I am now suffering for him." And she gave birth to a girl whom one of her sisters reared as her own daughter.

Pretty amazing stuff, huh? This is why I am digging biographies so much right now. They do at least two things for the believer: 1. We are mentored by those who have journeyed ahead of us 2. We come face to face with other believers who encountered difficulties and suffering (usually worse than we Americans face) and persevered and grew spiritually through it. How can we not be encouraged to go on and do likewise in our lives and spiritual journeys? I'll continue to bring you highlights as I read on about more amazing saints of old!

Back from the Buckeye State!

2005-07-11T18:55:00.000-04:00

We had the awesome priviledge of visiting with some of our great friends from Ohio as well as Jon's parents and sis last weekend. It was a great trip!

We first went to check in with our good pals, Matt and Emily and their 1 week old sweet daughter, Addelyne. Here is a picture of her sleeping in her swing. I just love all the pink!

Matt and Emily are very special friends of ours. We've known them for almost four years now and seen each other go through life's joys and sorrows. It was such a blessing to see them as new parents with their beautiful daughter.

Some individuals who are struggling with infertility find it hard to truly rejoice with others when they become pregnant or have a baby. It's been so neat to see how God has really protected me and my friendship with Emily from suffering through that. He has taught me that in order to fully accomplish what He wills in Em's life right now, she needs to be a mother to her daughter given through the miracle of conception. The probelm comes when we get what God wants to do in others' lives mixed up with our own. You see, this is His plan for Emily - and I rejoice in that! His plan for me is altogether different, but equally praiseworthy. God longs to accomplish different things in my life. He knows in His infinite wisdom the best way to grow me and bring glory to Himself is through the journey of infertility - and Lord willing - adoption.

Em is a blessing in another way - she journeys with me. She has been a part of my infertility from day one. She's been there before my struggle was even known. She has prayed for my children countless times before she even thought of having any of her own. She dreams with me. She cries with me. She makes my battle personal. I love being around her because she always makes statements such as, "when you get your baby", "I think you'll have a girl", or "you'll need this for your child." She never doubts that there are children in our future. She prays for them and us. I guess what I am trying to say is, God uses Emily to renew my hope. It's so amazing that He chooses to do that with a woman who has what I so desperately want one day. I am amazed at all I've learned through this experience and thankful that I have not chosen to go down the path of the comparison and jealousy trap. Praise God!

This is a picture of (I think) Cally - the little mother hen of a dog. She is constantly concerned about little Addy - so cute! By her side is the ever faithful Jay Jay. We love that dog!

This picture is of me, Jon, Matt, Emily, Dave and Angie. After spending some time with Matt & Em, we went over to Dave and Angie's. We had dinner with them and Emily's awesome parents and sisters. This group of 6+ adults have definitely got to be some of our biggest prayer warriors. Dave and Angie are always so hospitable and gentle. We just love being around them! Em's parents, Tom and Marilyn, have always been so special. They adopted us as their own when we lived in Ohio. They still think of us, call us, email, write, etc. They are such blessing to us! Em's sister, Allison, is also really special. I just love hearing about all she is learning about herself as she continues to grow into the woman God wants her to be.

This is Jon and I holding little Addelyne!

Saturday night we traveled to Cuyahoga Falls to stay with Jon's parents. We had fun sharing our Africa videos with them. Sunday morning, Jon shared about missions and evangelism at his dad's church. We then had lunch with his parents and his sister, Andrea. It was great to spend time hanging out with them. It was especially nice to see Andrea and hear about the new things in her life. We seem to miss each other - last time we were in town, she was on vacation. We topped off our visit like a cherry on a Sundae by going to Handel's for some yummy ice cream! Thanks everyone for a great weekend!

Thought You'd Be Here...

2005-07-08T21:26:00.000-04:00

I discovered the words to this song written by Wes King. Good way to express some of the thoughts of infertility...

Pearly Whites!

2005-07-07T22:14:00.000-04:00

Ok, so if you know me, you know that I have issues with my teeth. I have a recurring nightmare about my teeth falling out! So, due to the horror of this dream, I relish going to the dentist. I know. I know. I am sick. What can I say? Today was my 6 month cleaning and check up. I was almost giddy with excitement for my teeth to be really clean. The hygentist wasn't sure what to do with me. Actually, it didn't hurt that bad. You see, I've been perfecting my flossing technique the past six months to stimulate my gums. Supposedly if you do it right, it won't hurt when they floss at the dentist. I am here to say it is true! It didn't hurt at all when they flossed my teeth! To top off my experience, I had NO cavities!!!!! This is a huge deal since I have soft enamel and get cavities just by thinking about dessert. Hopefully there will be no more dreams over the next six months.

btw - I was thinking about buying one of those metal scrapy things they use. I saw it at the store and thought it might be nice to regularly clean my teeth myself! I think I'll control myself, however due to the fear of doing permanent damage.

The Power of the Music of the Night (and I'm not talking about the Phantom!)

2005-07-06T22:44:00.000-04:00

Tonight was so great! I just loved seeing everyone again, watching the Zambia videos, hearing testimonies and having Jeff lead worship. He did a great job! Two of the songs he picked out for tonight particularly struck me and spoke to me. It's funny,I usually don't really get to participate in the worship on Wednesdays because I'm running the slides and if I start singing, I'll forget to switch them. One benefit, however, is that I must follow along with the words. Reading the words to these songs tonight really challenged me on two fronts.

The first song that struck me is "How Great Is Our God." Here are the lyrics if you don't know it:
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice. All the earth rejoice.
He wraps Himself in light, and darkness tries to hide.
And trembles at His voice. Trembles at His voice.

How great is our God! Sing with me, how great is our God!
And all will see how great, how great is our God!

Age to age He stands, and time is in His hands.
Beginning and the end. Beginning and the end.
The Godhead, Three in One. Father, Spirit, Son.
The Lion and the Lamb. Lion and the Lamb.

How great is our God! Sing with me, how great is our God!
And all will see how great, how great is our God!

Name above all names! Worthy of our praise!
My heart will sing how great is our God!

This song struck me on two levels: 1. It was playing in one of the Zambia videos. As I watched the images of the Zambian people and heard the words, "how great is our God," it occurred to me that the Zambian believers were God to us as He flowed through them. Seeing those people was allowing me to see God and hence say, "how great is our God!"(incidentally, this idea was strongly reinforced by Jon's message tonight) 2. The second verse which talks about time reminded me that God is in control of time - the beginning and the end. He knows where I'm moving and when. He knows the right time for me to experience the priviledge of motherhood and He is timing the beginning of that child's life! What a comforting reminder!

The second song that struck me is a new twist on part of a hymn. It's another Chris Tomlin tune, entitled "Take My Life." See lyrics below.

Take my life and let it be, consecrated, Lord to Thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move, at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be, swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing, always only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withold.
Take my intellect and use every power as You choose.

Here am I. All of me. Take my life. It's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine, it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord , I pour at Your feet its treasure store.
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Pretty powerful words, huh? I especially struggle with giving God my will, my heart and my love. When I sing, "Here am I. All of me. Take my life. It's all for Thee." do I mean it? Once reminded of God holding time in His hands by the first song, I realize that (again) the only place I want my life is in God! Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

God-
Here am I. All of me. Take my life. It's all for Thee.
Amen.

Sweet Video Action...

2005-07-06T18:31:00.000-04:00

It is t-minus 30 minutes until the debut of the youth team 2005 Zambia videos! I am writing this as I await the masses at the church offices. I have a strange sense of excitement for tonight. We has such an amazing trip that anticipating seeing my team tonight is sort of like a breath of fresh air or coming home after a long journey. I love you guys! It was such a blessing to work alongside of you and minister to and with you!

If you want to catch the videos, you can see them online at www.707online.com.

PS- I'm wearing my chetenge right now! Woo-hoo! (btw a chetenge is basically a wrap that you wear kind of like a skirt)

Welcome Addy!

2005-07-04T08:08:00.000-04:00

This is Addelyne Raine! She arrived on July 2nd around 1:30 am. My good friends Matt and Emily have eagerly been expecting her. We are so excited she is now here and doing well! Congrats Matt & Em - we love you - and little Addy too!

2005-07-03T08:18:00.000-04:00

Jeff, Matt, Hoang and me playing a card game called "Bang". We played this in Atlanta while on a layover yesterday. This game is sweet -sort of like Mafia.

2005-07-03T08:16:00.001-04:00

Me with some baboons.

2005-07-03T08:16:00.000-04:00

On the bungee jumping bridge - we crossed over into Zimbabwe.

2005-07-03T08:15:00.000-04:00

One of our staff, Hoang, bungee jumping.

2005-07-03T08:14:00.000-04:00

One of the many monkees in our path...

2005-07-03T08:13:00.000-04:00

no words needed for this one...

2005-07-03T08:12:00.001-04:00

This is us on a safari - see the giraffe in the background?

2005-07-03T08:12:00.000-04:00

Me and Loren on the bus.

2005-07-03T08:11:00.001-04:00

Beautiful African sunset...

2005-07-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

Jon and me on the boat cruise.

2005-07-03T08:10:00.000-04:00

This is us by Victoria Falls - we had fun with Jon taking this picture of us!

2005-07-03T08:09:00.000-04:00

Jon and me with wild Zebra on the hotel grounds

2005-07-03T08:07:00.000-04:00

We debrief in Livingstone at the end of our trip. Here we are at the Zambezi Sun posing with some of the actors there.

2005-07-03T08:06:00.000-04:00

This is our team.

2005-07-03T08:05:00.000-04:00

This is me and Jon literally being mobbed by some kids by the medical clinic.

2005-07-03T08:04:00.000-04:00

Ginny, me and Loren attempt to teach some African village children some American songs.

2005-07-03T08:03:00.000-04:00

This is Jon with some of our students while at Mimi Christian Academy in Ndola.

2005-07-03T08:01:00.000-04:00

This is a picture from last year's trip. Jon and I were really drawn to this little girl in the red dress. She recited a poem about AIDS. See below to see where she is now...

2005-07-03T07:59:00.000-04:00

This was taken in Kitwe at Hope-Trust School. We went there last year and I really was drawn to this little girl. I was so excited to see her again. She's really shy, but I did convince her to stand with me and hold hands while we were there.

2005-07-03T07:53:00.000-04:00

This is me presenting gifts to Glenda - the wife of the pastor. We stayed at their home one night and gave them gifts as a "thank you."

2005-07-03T07:52:00.000-04:00

This pic was taken our first full day there. We were on a home stay and walking around and had the opportunity to stop by the Restoration Mission Home. It is an orphanage started in partnership with Crusade and the work our church does each year with orphans.

Hey from Africa!

2005-06-21T17:21:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody!
We made it safely to Zambia - we didn't even miss any of our flights this year! God's favor was upon us and we had safe travels. We did, unfortunately, lose about half of our luggage, including my personal bag. Our team was so great about it and we just laughed it off and waited for God to work it out. I was a little bit glad because I packed extra stuff in my carry on in case of this and so I was glad to put it to use!

We've been busy visiting many schools and churches. The youth team was able on two occasions to do street witnessing. It was great to see their excitement as they had the priviledge of leading Africans to the Lord!

Well, computer time is limited here, so I should go (plus I'm sick of Hoang giving me a hard time here :). I might not get to update again, so check out www.zambiamission.blogspot.com for more updates and pictures! Thanks for your prayers!

Ready or not, here I go!

2005-06-15T23:33:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe, but in less than 48 hours, I will be on a plane to Africa! It's come up so fast. Today was a crazy day. We flew back home from North Carolina. Came home and threw all of our clothes in the wash. We had to have our suitcases packed and handed in tonight. We quickly stuffed all of our stuff in and headed off to the church offices. Tonight was 707's Zambia Nite. We had the team lead the worship, share their testimonies and perform the mimes they've learned. It was a great night! The students had an opportunity to show their support and encouragement by writing notes for team members.

Tomorrow will be last minute stuff - scheduling bills to be paid, cleaning, getting things ready for the cats, etc. It's crazy all of the stuff you have to remember when leaving the country for two weeks.

That's it for now....keep checking 'cause I'll try to update a few times from Africa!!!

2005-06-15T23:32:00.000-04:00

This is Jon in his hunky African shirt - a gift from the Crusade staff at the end of our trip last year.

2005-06-15T23:31:00.000-04:00

This is me belting out Steven Curtis Chapman's "Great Adventure" as part of a game highlighting our staff tonight. Don't you just love those moments when you let loose and make a total fool of yourself? It was very fun!

2005-06-15T23:29:00.000-04:00

Zambia team leads 707 in worship...

2005-06-15T23:28:00.000-04:00

Students had time to write prayers or notes of encouragement to all of the Zambia team members. The notes were collected in envelopes for each person. They will receive them on the trip and get to experience encouragement from believers back home!

2005-06-15T23:26:00.000-04:00

"Pray diligently. Stay alert, with your eyes wide open in gratitude. Don't forget to pray for us, that God will open doors for telling the mystery of Christ..." Colossians 4:2-3, The Message

2005-06-15T23:20:00.000-04:00

Praying over Zambia team tonight.

2005-06-15T23:19:00.000-04:00

The 707 community sends off the Zambia team covered in prayer.

2005-06-12T21:41:00.000-04:00

Snickers is packed and ready to go to Africa with me!

Excerpt from "Infertility - Finding God's Peace in the Journey"

2005-06-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

Initially, one of my biggest questions with the news of our infertility was ,"why?" Why didn't God answer me the way I wanted Him to? Did He even hear me? The following excerpt from the intro to the book really hit me and reminded me of the real question - "Do I trust God to be who He says He is?"

God didn't always answer our prayers like we wanted Him to answer them. But He did answer them.

Sometimes He said yes. Many times He said no. But most often, He seemed to answer with a simple, deeply probing question: Do you trust Me? Do you trust Me to handle the future of your family? Do you trust Me to know what I'm doing with your life? When you want to do it your way, when you start doubting My faithfulness, when you start comparing yourself to others...do you trust Me?

As we pondered these difficult questions, we came to realize that ultimately, our answers had much more to do with the way we viewed God and how He related to us as His children than they did with our desire to bring our own child into the world. Did we really believe all the things we had been taught about God for so many years - that He loves us, that He knows what's best for us, that He hears and answers our prayers, that He is in control of everything? Or did we embrace our faith in a sovereign God only when it was easy or convenient for us? It wasn't a dramatic crisis of belief, but it was a crisis of belief nonetheless, one that quietly confronted us time and time again.

What was God up to in our lives? Why were we unable to conceive the baby we longed for when people around us were getting pregnant without even trying? What was the point of all of this?

I do believe that God has a point in all of this for us. Somehow the outcome will be what ultimately brings Him the most glory possible. I believe that He has a plan to use this to reach and touch others. I don't know what it will look like, but I keep my eyes open everyday to see it.

When Someone You Love Is Infertile...

2005-06-11T12:40:00.000-04:00

One of the books we have on infertility has a section in the back with the above title. It gives guidance on how to respond to people in your life who are struggling with infertility. I haven't read the book yet, but skimmed this section at the end. This is just one small part of the chapter, but I couldn't say it better myself.

Anecdotes About Other People

If I had a dollar for every infertility success story I've heard in the last few years, I'd probably have enough to take a very nice vacation. I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want to hear about your sister, cousin, or next-door neighbor who had severe endometriosis and now has three biological children. Nor do I want to hear about your friend or co-worker who tried to conceive for seven years, gave up, and is now expecting baby number two.

Those stories are wonderful, and I am happy for those people. But this isn't about you and your stories, as hopeful as they are. It's about me and my life. You disregard my sadness when you rush to tell me all kinds of anecdotes about people you know. Just because it happened to them does not mean it will happen to me. It might, but it might not. For my own mental and emotional health, I have to deal with reality as it exists for me today. Although your anecdotes may be somewhat encouraging to people in the earliest stages of infertility, the longer the journey lasts, the less welcome they are.

You might think that such stories would stop coming once a couple decides to adopt, but I've found just the opposite to be true. If you've read the rest of this book, you know that I wrote it while my husband and I were in the process of adopting our first child, a baby girl from China. Nearly everyone we told about our adoption plans was very happy for us. But after asking us a few questions about the specifics, almost everyone had this bit of encouragement for us: "Just you wait. As soon as you get that baby home, you're going to get pregnant!" Such proclamations were nearly always followed by a glowing report about a friend, co-worker, or relative who had conceived after completing an adoption.

As someone whose chances of getting pregnant are practically nil, I can assure you that this was the last thing I wanted to hear when I told someone my happy news. The fact of the matter is, as I noted earlier in this book, only about 5 percent of women who adopt go on to get pregnant - 5 percent! On top of that, many couples, including Randy and me, decide to adopt after most, if not all, of their hopes of conceiving are gone. We've closed the door to that possibility and are now moving on with our lives. So when you tell me stories about people who adopted and then got pregnant, you make it seem as if my adopted child will be some sort of temporary fix until the real blessing arrives. That is simply not the case.

The moral of the story is this: When people tell you they're having trouble getting pregnant, or when they tell you they've decided to adopt, don't try to encourage them by sharing infertility success stories with them. If you insist on doing this, all you'll do is detract from their pain or diminish their joy.

I know it may sound a little harsh, but it is a true reflection on what goes on daily in the mind of those facing infertility - especially when others attempt to console you in this way. Of course their intentions are good, but I thought typing this out would be my part of helping to educate people so when the moment comes, they truly are an encouragement rather than the reverse.

Lovin the Sun!

2005-06-09T21:55:00.000-04:00

Wow! The weather has been awesome since we got back from Texas. I even got to lay out by the pool for a little bit today. I want to have a little bit of a tan so I won't get burnt in Africa - it won't be hot there, but we are closer to the equator.

Been reading more of "Blue Like Jazz" while at the pool. It is a very interesting book. It is basically the story of this guy's spiritual journey. It doesn't have a consistent flow though. He sort of writes stream of consciousness. Makes it hard to follow, but he does have some interesting perspectives. I am almost half-way through it.

Monday we went through our six month process of where we wish we had a pug. Then we go to the pet store and look at the cute little puggies. Then we ask to play with the cute litttle puggy. Then we debate back and forth why right now is not a smart time to get the puggy even though we are loving playing with him. Then we sigh and sadly ask the pet store employee to put the puppy back in its little cage. Hm. This time was worse, however, because we even brought a camera and took pictures with the cute little puggy. So, here it is for your enjoyment!

Might be taking a last minute, pre-Africa trip to North Carolina at the beginning of next week. Still exploring options for new churches. Post-Africa we will head down to Texas once more to have more opportunity to meet students and volunteers. Many of them were not available to meet us last week. We will hopefully know where we are moving by the end of July. Boy, it can be hard to trust God during these uncertain times! Will keep you posted on what happens...

2005-06-09T21:54:00.000-04:00

Aren't they cute? :)

2005-06-09T21:52:00.000-04:00

A picture is worth a thousand words..

2005-06-09T21:50:00.000-04:00

Two of my small group girls - Taylor & Denise - representing at our Crud War on Wednesday. Yeah girls!

2005-06-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

This is the Compassion wall at Bent Tree. All of these kids and more are sponsored by the people of Bent Tree. There are literally hundreds! They also are doing some cool stuff like adopting a people group in India to reach for Christ. Also they are tithing ten percent of financial gifts towards their building project to go towards worldwide building projects simultaneously. Very cool.

2005-06-05T21:41:00.000-04:00

This is a pic of the auditorium before the service this morning. I really love how they incorporate art - the glowing squares on the stage are paintings that weave together in a design. Very cool looking with the lights on it.

2005-06-05T21:39:00.000-04:00

This is Paul smiling pretty for the camera while we grab some food from the youth kitchen for a parent open house yesterday.

Back from the Lone Star State!

2005-06-05T21:14:00.000-04:00

What a week!!! From Wednesday till about an hour ago, we were constantly around people. We have been in Texas for the week candidating at a church there. It was a really great time! It's just funny how easy it is to forget how drained you can get just from being around people a lot - even when you are a people person. I guess this is good prep for our Zambia trip where we will be around people for 2 weeks straight!

Our visit to Texas was great! It was really fun getting to know other Christians and see how God is teaching and using them. I love that - it just makes the world so much smaller when you get to meet believers from somehwere else. We were at Bent Tree Bible Fellowship in Carrollton, TX. They are huge on missions - which is exciting to see. They have over 20 trips this summer just for students!!! We had the opportunity to go to a service this morning. It was good. The message was all about grace and its evidence in our lives. I took like 3 pages of notes!

The one thing I was hoping to do all week was get a chance to sit by the pool. We had time Friday, but it was really overcast and rainy. Yesterday, the sun was out and I had a couple of hours. I go out to the pool. There were about 4 boys there, but I thought, that's not so bad. Well, let's just say once I heard them hawking up balls of spit and saw them spitting it out in the pool - all desire for that watery refreshment dissipated!!! Yuck! They also wanted to play with the life perserver. They made fun of anybody who came around - calling some kids "Mexican freaks" and other white boys they made fun of too. It was so annoying. I just wanted to correct their whole world view. As I wrestled with that, however, God gently reminded me that what they really need is Him. With a somewhat annoyed and unwilling heart, I prayed for them - that somehow they would come to know Jesus personally. It's amazing that God will still listen to a half-hearted prayer like that. So anyway.... so much for the nice relaxation by the pool! Maybe another time.

Less than 2 weeks till we are off for Africa!!! It's come soooooooooo fast. Got to get my prescriptions filled this week. I remember Jon and I being embarrassed last year buying so much medicine at one time - we felt like total druggies. Thankfully, neither of us got sick. I am starting to dread the 30 hours on the plane. I am getting compression stockings this year, though to help with circulation. My feet were so swollen that it hurt to wear my shoes last year. Also have Crud War in 3 days. That should be a good time. Can't wait for life to slow down... one day!

It's Been A While...

2005-05-31T02:09:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody!

Jon's been bugging me just about everyday to update this thing, but sometimes I just don't know what to write. Sorry it's taken me this long. I made the mistake of drinking coffee at 10 pm and now can't sleep, so here you go...

Last week we announced to our staff and students our decision to leave Oak Pointe. It was a very moving experience. So many of our students have surrounded us with love and support.

This weekend has been really great. For the first time in over a month, we had nothing scheduled. We were able to just relax, hang-out and get caught up on some cleaning. Friday we went shopping and I found two shirts for Jon at only $4.77 each!!! It was an amazing deal. We also finally got a second suitcase sturdy enough to take to Africa. Poor Jon had to carry his suitcase everywhere last year because the wheels didn't work.

We leave on Wednesday morning for Texas. We will be staying there through Sunday to interview and check out a church there. I am very excited about the warmer weather. I think it will be a good trip. I look forward to meeting people there. I had the opportunity to talk to a couple of gals on the phone this weekend. It was very cool because I just felt an almost instant connection with them.

I finished "The Hiding Place" by Corrie TenBoom this weekend. What an amazing book! I learned so much about contentment and loving your enemies. Corrie's sister, Betsie was so strong in her faith that she was able to thank God for her flea ridden bed in the concentration camp. She also regularly prayed for the guards who tortured and killed the prisoners. God gave her a vision of a place for healing for those who were prisoners as well as guards in the concentration camp. She did not live through the experience to see the dream realized, but Corrie fulfilled it. I highly recommend this book to anyone! There were times I could not put it down.

Started some new books this weekend. I began reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. Not too far into it yet to describe it. I also started reading John Piper's, "Life As A Vapor." It should be a challenging read. I am looking forward to the opportunity to listen to some messages on the plane this week as well.

It's hard to believe that we are leaving for Africa in less than 3 weeks!!! I am very excited about our trip. We are finalizing our schedule this week. We hope to partner with a church there and work with their student ministry. I am really looking forward to seeing Jeredon (our guide - sort of) again. He is a man with a big heart and lots of joy! We joke about him reminding us of Rafiki from The Lion King. It is cool to go having the perspective of being there before. We plan on bringing our video camera this time, so we should have some sweet videos of ministry and cool African animals.

I'm sure I'll try to update you on Texas. We are bringing our laptop since the hotel has free high speed internet access. Maybe I'll have some cool pictures too!

Tears in a Bottle

2005-05-24T23:10:00.000-04:00

"You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book."
Psalm 56:8

I was listening to an incredible message by Jill Briscoe online last night. It was about Hannah's disappointment. It spoke to me on many different levels. At one point, however, Jill recites a poem she wrote about tears. I would love to find it and post it. In the poem, she describes God collecting our tears and then pouring them out over the page of the book of our lives. It was such a moving picture to me. She later expounded on how usually in times of great sorrow, we do not know what to say or how to pray to God. In those moments, our tears become our prayers. God collects them and then pours them onto the page to read our prayers to Him. I have never thought about this whole concept before! It was so comforting to me to come to the realization that it's ok if I don't know what to say to God and all I can do is cry before Him. He is able to read the most precious prayer that way.

Lord God, You are so incredible. You are beyond my finite comprehension. Thank You for Your patience and love towards us when it takes us so long to "get it." Thank You that despite my sin problem, You care so deeply for me that You collect all of my tears in a bottle. You understand me even when I don't understand myself. Thank You for listening to my heart's cry and honoring me with Your response and work in my life. I am deeply humbled and moved by Your great love for me! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A Week in the Life of Amber...

2005-05-23T01:30:00.000-04:00

Well, unfortunately, we could not find any affordable plane tickets to Arizona and were unable to attend my grandpa's funeral on Friday. Jon and I were talking the other day and expressing how thankful we are to have had so many opportunities to visit with my grandpa over the past couple of years. Talked with my parents and grandma tonight. They seem to be holding up ok. My grandma told me bits and pieces about the service and how much it meant to her. She is one strong woman whom I admire sooooooooo much. I just love my grandma!

Wednesday was our senior dinner. It went really well. I think it was a special night for the seniors and their families. The food was pretty good too! It was really encouraging to see so many underclassmen there to support the seniors. Afterwards, we cleaned up real quick and went over to the theater to see Star Wars. Yes, I was one of the psycho people who saw the 12:01 showing. Jon is a total freak about the whole thing. We didn't think ahead, though, about sitting in the theater for two hours waiting for the show to start. The movie was pretty good - still overrated in my opinion. Jon was all upset the whole next day about all the Jedi's dying. He knew that would happen, but I guess the visual images bothered him. You'd have thought he lost a family member or something!

Thursday I had to get my last Hep A & B shot. I am good for like 15+ years now! Woo-hoo! My arm did hurt for a couple of days, though.

Friday we finally got the oil changed on our cars and then drove to the Outlets. Usually, we find tons of good stuff at the Old Navy Outlet, but had no such luck. I did get some sweet winter, weather proof shoes at Bass for only $15 though!

Saturday we had Zambia practice. Our team is so awesome. I am very excited for our time ministering together. We are doing tons of fun songs w/ motions because the Zambians love that and totally get into it. We are also learning a few mimes to perform. Then Saturday night, we had a God Party. Focused on three names of God: El Roi (God who sees), Jehova Jireh (God the provider) and Jehova Shalom (God of Peace). We talked about Scripture showing that character of God, sang songs about that trait and then did some kind of action. It was a pretty neat concept - I enjoyed seeing all the interns take ownership of the night!

Today was church. I took a nice long nap in the afternoon. Then off to our last Bible study. It was really great to hear students share all that they are learning through their study of the Bible.

That's about all that is going on here. I'll try to be more interesting next time. Not doing a whole lot of reading (meaning I am not reading more than one book right now). I am reading The Hiding Place by Corie TenBoom. It is a biography and is really good!!! Stretching myself with reading a genre I usually overlook. I have really enjoyed it so far. I'll be sure to post any good quotes I come across.

Welcome Home

2005-05-17T22:52:00.000-04:00

I awoke to a phone call from my grandma this morning. Many of you know that my grandpa has been fighting stage 4 cancer. We were blessed to be able to spend a week with them in mid April. My grandpa took his final breaths this morning. He is finally home. Right now he is in the presence of our Lord and Savior and feels no pain. Praise be to God!

At this point, we have been unable to find flights we can afford. Unless something pops up in the next couple of days, we will not be able to go to the services this weekend. I am mostly glad that I had the opportunity to spend quality time with him in April and would not take that back for anything. Thanks to everyone for your prayers for him and my family! I appreciate every single one.

Buddies, Baking & Babies!

2005-05-15T18:19:00.000-04:00

Whew! Another (3rd week in a row) busy weekend! We had the opportunity to travel back to Ohio for our good friends' Matt & Em's baby shower. It was super great to see them and others from our former church. They are going to be such great parents! We can't wait to meet little Addelyne Raine in person! (please wait till we get back from Africa Addy!)

Then, it was back to the baking one last time for our bake sale today. I once again made strawberry pies which didn't last long. I will be glad to not see any strawberries for a while!

Lastly, we had our volunteer staff bbq this afternoon. It was so great to get a chance to just hang out together and play some of Hoang's crazy German board games!

Now I am off to girl's Bible study for the conclusion of my weekend. I am definitely taking some down time this week to make up for all the busy-ness!

2005-05-15T18:17:00.000-04:00

Ok, so maybe I'm getting a little obsessive, but this pie looked too perfect to not get a picture of it! I've been making these for bake sales at church each week. I told Jon that this one looked so good it should be in a magazine. He suggested taking a picture and putting it on my blog, so here it is. Eat your heart out!

2005-05-15T18:15:00.000-04:00

This is me with Ashley and Laurie - two girls who we got to minister with while serving in Ohio.

2005-05-15T18:14:00.000-04:00

Matt & Em opening baby shower gifts! They got tons of cute stuff for their coming daughter.

2005-05-15T18:13:00.000-04:00

Emily admires some cute, pink girly clothes for little Addy Raine!

2005-05-15T18:12:00.000-04:00

This is me with Erin (left) and Allison (right). They are two very special girls that God gave me the privilege of joining on their spiritual journeys while serving at a church in Ohio. They are now going to be sophomores in college - man time flies!

2005-05-15T18:10:00.000-04:00

This is Matt & Em - They are expecting thier first baby in July (end of June if Em gets her way!). They are having a little girl - Addelyne Raine. We were so excited to get to be a part of thier shower this weekend!

2005-05-15T18:07:00.000-04:00

This is me and my good friend Becky - a true gift from God! We've known each other for almost two years and don't have any pics together till now.

Happy Mother's Day (or is it?)

2005-05-08T23:53:00.000-04:00

Another long weekend!!! Took the seniors on Senior Stretch - a 24 hour retreat to a secret destination where we give them a book and talk to them about the practical side of college life (time management, money, relationships, etc). It was a good time. Took them to Beulah Beach along Lake Erie. Came home last night and once again crammed in a late night baking session for our Zambia bake sale at church today. My strawberry pies seem to be a hit.

Today was a bit of a tough day. Most people reading this I think know by now that we have made the painful discovery that we are infertile. We immediately read some books about the whole issue and I remember both of them talking about how Mother's Day is this super hard day for people struggling with infertility. I thought it would be no problem for me. After all, I am glad that other people are mothers. I want them to be. I can think about my own mother rather than focusing on my lack of children, etc. etc. etc. I was determined to not let it get me down. Well, that was under the assumption that I had control over myself. Sat down in church and noticed in the bulletin that we had baby dedications. I think I said out loud, "Oh great!" Quickly convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal, besides I like seeing cute babies. The dedications went fine and were acutally pretty funny due to certain 2-3 year old siblings kicking their brothers on stage!

Well, the next part of the service was this whole video about "legacies". It followed one family of women through four generations. The great grandmother, her daughter (the grandma), her daughter (the mom) and her daughter (who was about 2-3 years old). They showed a face shot of each going down the line, showing the family resemblance. I thought, well I won't have that, but that's ok. Then came the killer part of the video....at the very end, they asked the little girl, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Her reply? "A mommy, like you." I immediately started bawling uncontrollably. So many thoughts going through my head (I said that same thing at that age, I am saying that same thing today, or who will explain to that cute little girl that her dream may not quite become a reality....). Jon asked if I wanted to walk out - I did, but knew it would only draw more attention to myself, so I withstood the service - including the sermon all about being a mom! I guess the good thing is that I survived my first Mother's Day while realizing the challenge it will be for me to be a mom. I look forward to the day when God gives me sweet little children to accept home-made gifts from. I know they are out there! They are in His heart and mine too.

Our culture doesn't stop to think about lack of control over our lives. Everyone automatically assumes they can have children when and how they want. It's not like you want to tell a 3 yr old like in that video - "Well, honey, you might not get to be a mom." What is the answer then? How do we encourage and nurture that beautiful femininity and life-giving desire God created within us? At the same time, how do we do that in a way that does not de-feminize women, like me, who may struggle to have children, or who are forever single or who feel God calling them to remain childless? There has to be a balance. Yet, so much of our feminity is tied up in being a mother. I have never felt the lack of femininty that I felt today. I don't have the answers....just some thoughts I am wrestling with in this journey.

2005-05-08T23:29:00.000-04:00

A cool pic that Jon took along Lake Erie (where we took the seniors this weekend). Jon and I had fun sitting on these rocks and chatting while the students wrote letters to themselves that we will mail after their first semester of college.

2005-05-08T23:26:00.000-04:00

Hanging with the oh so mature seniors last weekend! We are riding a little hoarsey outside a drug store after a DQ sugar rush. Had a great weekend hanging out and discussing college life.

Why don't I call on His name?

2005-05-03T10:16:00.000-04:00

Here's another entry straight from Streams in the Desert. I read it today and thought many could benefit from such a reminder (including myself). If you have never read parts of the devotional, Streams in the Desert, I highly recommend it! It is put together by the same editor as My Utmost for His Highest. You probably want to supplement it with regular Bible reading, but it certainly is a comfort and encourager in times of suffering and sadness. Enjoy!

"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. (Joel 2:32)

So why don't I call on His name? Why do I run to this person or that person, when God is so near and will hear my faintest call? Why do I sit down to plot my own course and make my own plans? Why don't I immediately place myself and my burdens on the Lord?

Straight ahead is the best way to run, so why don't I run directly to the living God? Instead, I look in vain for deliverance everywhere else, but with God I will find it. With Him I have His royal promise: "I will be saved." And with Him I never need to ask if I may call on Him or not, for the word "everyone" is all encompassing. It includes me and means anybody and everybody who calls on His name. Therefore I will trust in this verse and will immediately call on the glorious Lord who has made such a great promise.

My situation is urgent, and I cannot see how I will ever be delivered. Yet this is not my concern, for He who made the promise will find a way to keep it. My part is simply to obey His commands, not to direct His ways. I am His servant, not His advisor. I call upon Him and He will deliver me. Charles Spurgeon

Another Super Crazy Weekend!

2005-05-01T19:31:00.000-04:00

Wow! This was another jam-packed weekend! It all started Friday with our Zambia training retreat. Everyone on the church-wide team came out to a retreat center. We had cultural training, personality testing, bonding, bonding and more bonding! It was a super great idea. Last year I didn't even know all the team members' names when we left. This was a great experience. Our theme was unity and I definitely feel more unified than before. We also had some time to bond as sub-teams through a ropes course. It was very fun - although our team kept getting in trouble for being too enthusiastic (I guess they thought we weren't taking safety seriously). Our team is way tighter than before. I'm excited about all we are going to accomplish in Africa.

Got home Saturday night and had to bake stuff for our student Zambia fundraiser at church. We did a bake sale and a Mother's Day gift basket sale. We are doing it for the next two weeks too. I made strawberry pies, banana bread & chocolate chip cookies. Needless to say, I was up very late baking.

Top the weekend off with Youth Sunday! I lucked out with few responsibilities, but still have to be prepared to answer questions and promote the ministry. We really need volunteers considering half of our current staff is not returning next year. The services turned out pretty good and we sold out of all of our baked goods! A very good feeling.

Took a nap this afternoon. I decided to skip girls' Bible study tonight. Haven't seen Jon all weekend and I am just wiped out! That's what's been going on here...